How to start a men's accountability group

What the Bible says

Hebrews 10:24–25

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (NIV)

Meeting regularly to spur each other on is part of how God grows us.

Acts 2:42

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” (NIV)

The first church kept it simple: teaching, fellowship, food and prayer, done steadily.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (NIV)

The goal is to build each other up, not tear each other down.

How many men should be in the group?

Three to six. Fewer than three and one absence stalls the group. More than six and there isn’t time for everyone to be honest, and it becomes easier to hide. If the group grows beyond six, split it into two rather than letting it get big.

What are the ground rules?

• Confidentiality. What’s said in the group stays in the group.
• Honesty. No half-truths or vague answers.
• No shock, no shame. Respond to confession with grace.
• Don’t fix, walk with. Listen first. Offer advice only when asked.
• Show up. Commit to attending every week.
• Same sex. Keep groups to men only (or women only).

Agree to these out loud at the first meeting.

What does a meeting look like?

A simple 60-minute format:

1. Welcome and prayer (5 minutes).
2. Check-in round (25 minutes). Each man answers the group’s questions honestly.
3. Scripture (10 minutes). Read one short passage and discuss one question. For passages, see Bible verses about lust.
4. Plans for the week (10 minutes). Each man names one specific step. For ideas, see the Christian guide to overcoming lust.
5. Prayer in pairs (10 minutes). Pray for each other by name.

What questions should we ask?

1. Have you looked at anything you shouldn’t have since we last met?
2. When were you most tempted, and what was happening?
3. Are your boundaries still in place?
4. How is your time with God?
5. What’s one step you’ll take this week?
6. Have you been completely honest tonight?

The last question matters. It gives everyone one more chance to tell the truth.

What if someone keeps falling?

Keep welcoming him back. Repeated falls are a reason for more support, not less. Help him look at what’s leading to them, encourage stronger boundaries, and consider more frequent check-ins between meetings. If he seems stuck, gently suggest a pastor or Christian counsellor as well.

How do we invite men?

Start with two or three men you trust, and grow by personal invitation. A one-on-one conversation works better than an announcement. With your pastor’s blessing, a brief mention from the pulpit can also help men know the group exists and who to ask.

What to do next

1. Talk to your pastor. Get their blessing and advice.
2. Invite two or three men. Personally, one at a time.
3. Pick a time and place. Same time every week.
4. Agree the ground rules. Out loud, at the first meeting.
5. Run the 60-minute format. Adjust after a month.
6. Add daily support. The Narrow is a Christian app for overcoming lust and pornography. Group members can connect as a circle and support each other between meetings. Churches can provide access through anonymous codes.

Small groups, big change

Some of the deepest change in a man’s life happens around a small table with a few honest friends. You don’t need to be an expert to start one. You just need to be willing to go first.